So I skipped boot camp this morning because my blood sugar was 291 when I woke up. 291! How stupid.
Well, I didn’t even have enough insulin left in my pump to correct that idiocy, so I had to change my site. Which I should have done last night. I think I had a problem with this site working if I slept on it. I’ve been having screwy BG every morning this week and haven’t been able to figure what’s really going on since my CGM is broken.
I should be getting the replacement sensors today. Thank god. I don’t know what to do with myself without them.
Anyway, at 5:00 this morning I changed my pump infusion set, took a massive correction bolus and went back to sleep. I set my alarm for 7 and got up at 8:20, making it to work a bit before 9. AWESOME!
I feel very rested though. And I don’t want to be at work. Even though I need to get crap done today. We have Monday off–WOOHOO–and next Tuesday afternoon I will be out for jury duty!
How exciting. I’ve never done jury duty before so I have no idea of what to expect. Maybe I won’t get selected. Who knows. I wonder if I do get selected if I’ll have to make a note about my insulin pump. I can just see it start buzzing in the middle of a trial and I have to check it and somebody thinks it’s a pager. Ugh, embarrassing.
I am beyond ready for the weekend. Day, move on with it, will ya?
My CGM sensors have not been working for a week now. I think I got a bad box, because after talking with Minimed, they seem to think my transmitter is still working okay. They’re sending replacement sensors that should be here in a couple days.
Couple that with the fact that I’m pretty sure my period is starting soon, and you have my blood sugar being completely and utterly disgusting.
I don’t know how to be a diabetic without the CGM anymore. I have used it constantly for over a year and am completely dependent on it. I can feel my lows, but more often than not I don’t notice I’m high until over 200… and by this time I need about a million units of insulin to bring me back down.
Which pisses me off because I can’t think of taking a bunch of extra insulin without feeling like I’m just injecting myself with a bunch of fat.
For the past three mornings I’ve woken up at 175. Which is STUPID, and I’m pretty sure can be blamed on my oncoming period. I don’t know why else it would be like this when nothing else has changed … except me not being able to rely on my CGM.
To make matters worse I have my endo appointment tomorrow afternoon. I should have canceled it, because I feel horrible about my BGs lately and about my weight. I feel like I’m incapable of losing more weight.
Over the last year and change I lost somewhere over 50lbs (most of it before this summer). Though I feel like I’ve gained 10 of them back in the last few weeks, because for me not being perfect in every way means gaining weight.
I hate it. I exercise 5 days a week. Not little bitty exercise either. And I eat better than a lot of people I know. I’m not perfect. I eat out socially with co-workers, family and friends on occasion. Try and not be too bad at restaurants. But it’s very far from perfect.
I’m hypothroid and take synthroid. Just had my levels checked in the fall and they were fine.
So why am I still destined to be the same god-awful weight forever? And I’m not talking about goofy little girl crap about obsessing over a number. I genuinely need to lose about 40-50 more pounds. I’m not even trying to be skinny. I do enjoy food, therefore I do not think this is reasonable.
But when I started out trying to lose weight, I truly thought I would be able just exercise and watch my eating moderately and be able to lose weight to a size I’m happy with (all I’m asking for is a size 10/12…maybe an 8; I’m size 16 now). I didn’t think I would have to be perfect with eating and be constantly tortured by it, just to end up a size 40 pounds heavier than I hated myself for in high school.
I look at everyone else around me and they eat so much worse and don’t exercise hardly at all and are perfectly sized.
I don’t understand this. I blame diabetes and think I take too much insulin. I blame my thyroid and my body being a flaming idiot in general.
I don’t want to go into my endo appointment tomorrow the same or perhaps 2lbs lighter than in October and hear them tell me I’m doing good. At the way I’ve been killing myself, 2lbs is crap.
I don’t want to get my A1c back at 6 something and hear “that’s great!” It’s not great, I’ve been over 200, probably 250 at least once a day for the past I don’t know how long, with ridiculous lows (bolus-rage!) to match… and my daily total use of insulin is currently 10units higher than normal.
If I were at my appointment right now and they said either one of these things to me, I know I would embarrass myself and burst out crying in the damn nursing station.
I hate my period and what it does to me a whole 1/4 of the damn month. One fourth! That’s absurdity right there. The second it starts though, I will be fine and look back at this post thinking “what an idiot!” Until next month, anyway…
I seem to remember a time when I got mad at it being too warm during winter months. Now I’m annoyed because it’s too cold. Boot camp is probably my main reason for this because it totally sucks working out in weather that requires long underwear and makes snot come out your nose in gallons per minute. Seriously, I think I’ve lost 5lbs in snot over the past week. It doesn’t help that I also got a cold the day before EXTREME boot camp started last week. So having a cold plus cold weather equals a really snotty towel, face, and sweat shirt sleeve.
What is EXTREME boot camp, you ask? It’s regular boot camp, except, well EXTREME. No holding back on the EXTREMENESS either. I should have written in this blog about it last week, when I remembered exactly what we did each day, but the weekend already made me forget. So I’ll just tell you about the day I wanted to die most:
It didn’t start out great, due to diabetes being an idiot. My blood sugar was something like 40mg/dl when I got up–in other words, way too low. So I needed sugar before I could leave. Decided the idea of glucose tabs so early in the morning made me want to puke, so I opted for juice.
Well, I check the temperature before I leave and it said it was 50. However, this was the morning the insane cold front from hell was blowing in to town, plus I heard the wind outside, so I knew it wasn’t going to feel like 50. Sure enough the temperature starts dropping the minute I get there, and with the wind blowing at 8 million miles per hour, it feels like 20 degrees. Oh yeah, and it’s drizzling outside. Or just wet all over. Not raining, really. But annoyingly wet none the less.
Then after warm up he tells us what we’re doing for the day. Eight 400 meter intervals! Eight! In barf-worthy weather!
By the 6th interval, I wanted to die. At one point my feet and lower legs were completely soaked, both my shoelaces came untied despite double knots, my pants were falling down because they were heavy from the wetness, my hair was falling out of it’s holder, snot was pouring down my face and I think I drank a good cup’s worth, and my stomach hurt to hell from that stupid juice I had to drink!
But it was worth it in the end because I made it through and now I’m stronger for it. Blah blah blah. In any case, regular boot camp started back this morning (EXTREEEEEME was only for one week), and it was pie by comparison.
By the way, my plan is to make use of this web site again. Really. Except, I’ve come to the realization that while I still play The Sims, I do not think I will be involved with it online like I once was, and therefore the overall topic (and hopefully soon the design) of this site will change. Archive that old Sims stuff anyway. If I ever get around to it.
